Sometimes, to really remain nonviolent, we must entertain fantasies. This post is kind of sadistic. (Actually, it's lots of sadistic.) So, it kinda goes against the established grain of my blog. Oh well, there's a little of each in all of us, I guess.
I wish you could all hear the tune that goes with this. The tone is largely inspired by the tone of the A Song of Ice and Fire series. (I'm a nerd, remember?) In my head, it's a song bards sing in brothels. It's one part inspired by whores (not using that term in an insulting way) and the ways their clients always believe them when they act in love. I can't say Shae's betrayal of Tryion (A Storm of Swords) doesn't play a large part in the ending. But, mostly it's inspired by my actual feelings at the moment. Feelings that I have no desire to live out beyond fantasy. (Ya know, like the firing squad fantasy.)
Anyway, I'm posting this a couple days after I wrote this because I've been told by someone smart that if I post this now, it will make everything bad bad baaaad. So, chances are the emotions in the song are not accurate to the way I feel now.
My Ardelis
Ardelis, Ardelis, that maiden in the mist.
When I saw you calm and lithe,
How would I e'er resist?
Ardelis, Ardelis, become the reason I exist.
Ardelis, Ardelis, I love her.
Ardelis, Ardelis, I will cover with a kiss.
When your days are sad and grey,
I will chase your grief away.
Ardelis, Ardelis, Oh, my pretty little miss.
Ardelis, Ardelis, I love you.
Ardelis, Ardelis, Tell me, what could go amiss?
When our senses starts to wane,
I'll just fade into your abyss.
Ardelis, Ardelis, all fears and hopes dismissed.
Ardelis, Ardelis, I need you.
Ardelis, Ardelis, my heart's both skipped and hissed.
With my hopes thrown to the wind
I forget how to persist.
Ardelis, Ardelis, you've bewitched me with your kiss.
Ardelis, Ardelis, how could you?
Adelis, Adelis, I would like to give a twist
With my blade in your chest.
Oh, you will be sorely missed!
Adelis, Adelis, with habits that destroy bliss.
Ardelis, Ardelis, I love her.
Ardelis, Ardelis, your blood has stained my fist.
They will put you in the ground
and I'll be left to reminisce.
Ardelis, Ardelis, how did it come to this?
Ardelis, Ardelis, I loved you.
27 July 2011
31 May 2011
conversation x
Sometimes I write poetry. Sometimes I write conversation poems. That's a lie. This is the first of said poems that I've written in years. So it would be more accurate to say, "In the past I have written conversation poems, and today I wrote a conversation poem." The first 8 can be found in this random book I once self-published and gave to my dad for Christmas. There's a cat on the cover. And a flying saucer. I think I drew them one time when I was bored in this class about Bohemian Paris. You can't find number ix anywhere. But number x is going to be posted below. It's going to be an image. See, even if I did fully understand html coding, I'd be far too lazy to code this poem.
But before I post this, I just have to say my partner is upset with me right now. He's always getting mad when I post things that clearly call out individual people. He doesn't like it when I cause drama or conflict. But, I am of the opinion that nothing good ever comes from being dishonest. (And my opinion may very well be wrong.) My partner is afraid someone is going to read this and then never talk to us again. He's currently calling me a bad person. He is probably right. But, nonetheless, here it is. Sorry it goes page by page and that you have to click on each page individually and that the text is blurry. This is just how blogger operates. Also, the spacing of the pages is weird. This is just how blogger operates.
But before I post this, I just have to say my partner is upset with me right now. He's always getting mad when I post things that clearly call out individual people. He doesn't like it when I cause drama or conflict. But, I am of the opinion that nothing good ever comes from being dishonest. (And my opinion may very well be wrong.) My partner is afraid someone is going to read this and then never talk to us again. He's currently calling me a bad person. He is probably right. But, nonetheless, here it is. Sorry it goes page by page and that you have to click on each page individually and that the text is blurry. This is just how blogger operates. Also, the spacing of the pages is weird. This is just how blogger operates.
P.S. I find it amusing that the fictional conversation I had with my partner about posting this on my blog happened later in real life after I had already written it.
14 April 2011
Community.
This is a hard post to write. It's been running through my head for weeks now though, and something that happened today finally made me see the need to "put it to paper," if you will. I don't know if my thoughts will be expressed as clearly as they normally are, and I expect to offend a great number of people, but here you have it:
Quite often, the 'vegan community' upsets me to no end. I am not saying vegans make me upset. I am not even saying my community of friends (many of whom are vegan) make me upset. (I am not saying I agree with everything my friends do, either.) I am saying there exists a somewhat amorphous blob of individuals who feel bonded to each other because of their 'alternative' lifestyle and who assume that everyone else with what-they-assume-to-be-the-same-lifestyle is an automatic friend not foe; so lets all love each other, give hugs, and waste our time on ridiculous endeavors that do little to curb non-human animal exploitation. This blob is what makes me upset.
Subcultures happen when there is a common opinion among individuals that differs from the mainstream opinion. When people try to undermine hegemony, or reinstate outdated forms of prejudice, a subculture is often formed. It is not that most members of a subculture wish to stay in a subculture, rather, they wish to make the subculture mainstream. And veganism is no exception. However, unlike many subcultures that work to undermine mainstream practices, the vegan community exists as a community largely because of consumer culture. (The very culture that has led to mass animal exploitation to begin with.)
There exists a popular idea in the vegan community that 'mainstreaming' veganism means getting more vegan chocolate options on the shelf and more vegan shoes on one's feet--regardless of the other moral problems with these items of production. (Missing is a holistic view of veganism as a philosophy that counters oppression of all animals. This allows humans to feel comfortable buying sweatshop items as long as there's no nonhuman product in the item.) So, rather than bonding over the dream of non-human animal liberation, the activism they are pursuing, or even esoteric theory, the vegan community of which I speak bonds over the newest vegan junk food company, the latest vegan fashion blog, the trendiest vegan restaurant, and their love of cute, furry, farm(ed) animals.
I am not saying that vegan food or other materialistic items don't have their place. I am personally happy that my diet is not limited strictly to rice and beans and that there are shoes I can wear that aren't directly dependent on a senseless death. I do think that most U.S. Americans, lazy as we all are, would be far less likely to alter our lifestyles if there were not veggie burgers and pretty pleather handbags on the market. So, yes these items do have their place. But that's all they should have. Consumer culture should not be the focus of a revolutionary movement; in fact, it can't be. The concept is an oxymoron akin to humane slaughter.
Anyways, here are some examples to illustrate my point:
1) If I go to NYC Vegan Drinks to make an announcement about upcoming outreach opportunities, I am talked over and no one wants my nifty calendar of clearly printed activism dates. But when a vegan junk food company makes an announcement, the room cheers with excitement then listens with bated breath.
2) A vegan group scheduled a vegan food event for other vegans the same day as F.A.R.M.'s annual meatout. This is an organization that always utilizes the first day of Spring as meatout day. I had would-be volunteers tell me they couldn't help with meatout (an outreach activity) because they would be making food for the for-vegans-by-vegans event.
3) Actual friends of mine have skipped out on important days of activism to visit farm sanctuaries when they could visit said farm sanctuaries any day of the year. Touching the fuzzy lambs as soon as possible became more important than actually working to saving them.
4) Palm oil, slave labor, and environmentally damaging goods are the norm. I wish I could say I was joking, but I've seen people swoon over Earth Balance margarine one too many times. This recent blog post didn't help restore my faith in vegans as social justice activists. Here we have someone justifying, on a vegan blog, why sweatshops are 'ethical.'
5) This leads straight into to the problem of single-issue activists. Activists who call women 'divisive' if they call out a man for abusing them. Speciesist vegans who say we need to deal with non-human animal suffering before we can spend effort to reduce prejudice and injustice against other humans. Zionist vegans who support Israeli apartheid. Misogynists who think human women are the only animals whose rights should be limited... I've met at least one individual who fits each category. And then you have those who are just oblivious to every other social justice issue as if the oppression of non-humans somehow exists in a vacuum.
6) Finally, VegNews magazine. . . It's sad because today I actually told someone I was proud of what they've been doing lately. Yes, this is a consumer-culture magazine telling you to buy buy buy, but last issue they broached the inconvenient topic of Workers' Rights--even as they pertain to those picking produce. This issue, an article by Will Potter appeared explaining the Green Scare. 'Perhaps the masses take their cues from this magazine,' I hoped. 'Perhaps as the magazine shifts away from consumerism as activism and towards ideas for directing social change, the vegan community will do the same, and attendees at vegan drinks will find themselves at a leafleting...'
And then the crazy happened. We have people criticizing VegNews not for their promotion of cocoa that isn't fair trade, nor for its white, middle-class, heteronormative ideals throughout. No, no, no. We find people writing angry letters to VegNews for using stock photos of items that may or may not be vegan. Excuse me, you can't drag your ass to a rally, but you can find the time to write angry letters to a LIFESTYLE magazine, arguing they're contributing to animal exploitation by using cheap stock photos of non-vegan items? OK. You do that, and then go eat your tub of Earth Balance with no concern for the Orangutans who are nearly extinct because of it. . .
I'm not saying it isn't false adverting when a picture of dairy mac-and-cheese accompanies a recipe for vegan mac-and-cheese. And I'm not saying the media isn't going to poke fun at the silly vegans who can't even make a magazine right. (Look, here's one such article now.) VegNews did mess up a little, sure. But do we really want to run it out of business? And just when it started printing useful articles? And when there's so much other activism to be done? I personally don't think so. But I seem to be in the minority opinion. And so, basically, today, with my minority opinion, I have lost all hope.
I am not perfect. Far from it. I bought at least 4 new pairs of shoes in the past year. I'm addicted to white sugar. I am often callous. I have a hard time recognizing some of my own privileges. I like to eat out, and I buy my cats meat instead of dumpster-diving it. This is a short list of my many faults. So no, I'm not trying to act holier-than-thou, and I am sorry if it came off that way. But I am saying there comes a point where one has to examine their own ideology and figure out what pieces of their life don't align within it. And when you do that, you may find yourself giving up Earth Balance and Starbucks and buying second-hand more often. And you may discover arguing with VegNews about stock photos does little more than feed your own ego. As do superfluous visits to farm sanctuaries and being able to say you ate at the newest veg restaurant. On the flip side, maybe these things are in line with your ideologies. And in that case, your assumption that we live the same lifestyle because we both call ourselves vegan is skewed.
Here's a public-domain picture of a cake. I bet it has eggs in it, and I bet the cocoa came from forced labor on the Ivory Coast. My use of it didn't actually destroy the world. . . nor contribute to these forms of exploitation.
Disclaimer: I don't actually hate everyone. The Discerning Brute and Vaute Couture are 2 vegan fashion projects that care about the environment and workers' rights. The Food Empowerment Project and Animal Rights & AntiOppression are among the other things that make me happy about the vegan movement. And there are so many awesome individuals who are so far from single-issue. This post was the callous me. I'll try doing another "reasons to smile" where I highlight these and other exciting things soon.
Quite often, the 'vegan community' upsets me to no end. I am not saying vegans make me upset. I am not even saying my community of friends (many of whom are vegan) make me upset. (I am not saying I agree with everything my friends do, either.) I am saying there exists a somewhat amorphous blob of individuals who feel bonded to each other because of their 'alternative' lifestyle and who assume that everyone else with what-they-assume-to-be-the-same-lifestyle is an automatic friend not foe; so lets all love each other, give hugs, and waste our time on ridiculous endeavors that do little to curb non-human animal exploitation. This blob is what makes me upset.
Subcultures happen when there is a common opinion among individuals that differs from the mainstream opinion. When people try to undermine hegemony, or reinstate outdated forms of prejudice, a subculture is often formed. It is not that most members of a subculture wish to stay in a subculture, rather, they wish to make the subculture mainstream. And veganism is no exception. However, unlike many subcultures that work to undermine mainstream practices, the vegan community exists as a community largely because of consumer culture. (The very culture that has led to mass animal exploitation to begin with.)
There exists a popular idea in the vegan community that 'mainstreaming' veganism means getting more vegan chocolate options on the shelf and more vegan shoes on one's feet--regardless of the other moral problems with these items of production. (Missing is a holistic view of veganism as a philosophy that counters oppression of all animals. This allows humans to feel comfortable buying sweatshop items as long as there's no nonhuman product in the item.) So, rather than bonding over the dream of non-human animal liberation, the activism they are pursuing, or even esoteric theory, the vegan community of which I speak bonds over the newest vegan junk food company, the latest vegan fashion blog, the trendiest vegan restaurant, and their love of cute, furry, farm(ed) animals.
I am not saying that vegan food or other materialistic items don't have their place. I am personally happy that my diet is not limited strictly to rice and beans and that there are shoes I can wear that aren't directly dependent on a senseless death. I do think that most U.S. Americans, lazy as we all are, would be far less likely to alter our lifestyles if there were not veggie burgers and pretty pleather handbags on the market. So, yes these items do have their place. But that's all they should have. Consumer culture should not be the focus of a revolutionary movement; in fact, it can't be. The concept is an oxymoron akin to humane slaughter.
Anyways, here are some examples to illustrate my point:
1) If I go to NYC Vegan Drinks to make an announcement about upcoming outreach opportunities, I am talked over and no one wants my nifty calendar of clearly printed activism dates. But when a vegan junk food company makes an announcement, the room cheers with excitement then listens with bated breath.
2) A vegan group scheduled a vegan food event for other vegans the same day as F.A.R.M.'s annual meatout. This is an organization that always utilizes the first day of Spring as meatout day. I had would-be volunteers tell me they couldn't help with meatout (an outreach activity) because they would be making food for the for-vegans-by-vegans event.
3) Actual friends of mine have skipped out on important days of activism to visit farm sanctuaries when they could visit said farm sanctuaries any day of the year. Touching the fuzzy lambs as soon as possible became more important than actually working to saving them.
4) Palm oil, slave labor, and environmentally damaging goods are the norm. I wish I could say I was joking, but I've seen people swoon over Earth Balance margarine one too many times. This recent blog post didn't help restore my faith in vegans as social justice activists. Here we have someone justifying, on a vegan blog, why sweatshops are 'ethical.'
5) This leads straight into to the problem of single-issue activists. Activists who call women 'divisive' if they call out a man for abusing them. Speciesist vegans who say we need to deal with non-human animal suffering before we can spend effort to reduce prejudice and injustice against other humans. Zionist vegans who support Israeli apartheid. Misogynists who think human women are the only animals whose rights should be limited... I've met at least one individual who fits each category. And then you have those who are just oblivious to every other social justice issue as if the oppression of non-humans somehow exists in a vacuum.
6) Finally, VegNews magazine. . . It's sad because today I actually told someone I was proud of what they've been doing lately. Yes, this is a consumer-culture magazine telling you to buy buy buy, but last issue they broached the inconvenient topic of Workers' Rights--even as they pertain to those picking produce. This issue, an article by Will Potter appeared explaining the Green Scare. 'Perhaps the masses take their cues from this magazine,' I hoped. 'Perhaps as the magazine shifts away from consumerism as activism and towards ideas for directing social change, the vegan community will do the same, and attendees at vegan drinks will find themselves at a leafleting...'
And then the crazy happened. We have people criticizing VegNews not for their promotion of cocoa that isn't fair trade, nor for its white, middle-class, heteronormative ideals throughout. No, no, no. We find people writing angry letters to VegNews for using stock photos of items that may or may not be vegan. Excuse me, you can't drag your ass to a rally, but you can find the time to write angry letters to a LIFESTYLE magazine, arguing they're contributing to animal exploitation by using cheap stock photos of non-vegan items? OK. You do that, and then go eat your tub of Earth Balance with no concern for the Orangutans who are nearly extinct because of it. . .
I'm not saying it isn't false adverting when a picture of dairy mac-and-cheese accompanies a recipe for vegan mac-and-cheese. And I'm not saying the media isn't going to poke fun at the silly vegans who can't even make a magazine right. (Look, here's one such article now.) VegNews did mess up a little, sure. But do we really want to run it out of business? And just when it started printing useful articles? And when there's so much other activism to be done? I personally don't think so. But I seem to be in the minority opinion. And so, basically, today, with my minority opinion, I have lost all hope.
I am not perfect. Far from it. I bought at least 4 new pairs of shoes in the past year. I'm addicted to white sugar. I am often callous. I have a hard time recognizing some of my own privileges. I like to eat out, and I buy my cats meat instead of dumpster-diving it. This is a short list of my many faults. So no, I'm not trying to act holier-than-thou, and I am sorry if it came off that way. But I am saying there comes a point where one has to examine their own ideology and figure out what pieces of their life don't align within it. And when you do that, you may find yourself giving up Earth Balance and Starbucks and buying second-hand more often. And you may discover arguing with VegNews about stock photos does little more than feed your own ego. As do superfluous visits to farm sanctuaries and being able to say you ate at the newest veg restaurant. On the flip side, maybe these things are in line with your ideologies. And in that case, your assumption that we live the same lifestyle because we both call ourselves vegan is skewed.
Here's a public-domain picture of a cake. I bet it has eggs in it, and I bet the cocoa came from forced labor on the Ivory Coast. My use of it didn't actually destroy the world. . . nor contribute to these forms of exploitation.
Disclaimer: I don't actually hate everyone. The Discerning Brute and Vaute Couture are 2 vegan fashion projects that care about the environment and workers' rights. The Food Empowerment Project and Animal Rights & AntiOppression are among the other things that make me happy about the vegan movement. And there are so many awesome individuals who are so far from single-issue. This post was the callous me. I'll try doing another "reasons to smile" where I highlight these and other exciting things soon.
13 April 2011
oblivious, frantic, chaotic
The other day I was playing Dragon Age II. (Did you not notice yet that I'm a nerd?) My partner was watching me and was all "uh? The way your character, Sutton, interacts with the world... is that how you see it too?" And I was like "what? oh. yeah." And it's true. The stagnant camera view, the sprinting past what-could-be-useful sparkling items instead of stopping to investigate, the constant battle to run off the path and thus running in place, the all-but-ignored map in the corner with the dot representing Sutton fleeing the opposite direction of the arrow indicating her end destination. I read the codices because I'm interested in the history. But I'm not so observant of my own time. I go through life largely ignoring potential interactions. So much so, that in 5th grade my teacher told me, "You could be in a room with 100 people and know and understand 99 of them really well. But would you know the one who really had something to offer you?" At the time, my reaction was something like "huh?" And then I continued my oblivious, frantic, chaotic run. Mostly because it's easier. And mostly because I've only just begun to notice the real impact that this has.
Two recent conversations of which I've been a part, each with different people, have brought my blindness to light. And when my ignorance falls away, I have a hard time remaining content with the status quo. But seriously folks, what the hell am I even talking about?
Mostly I'm talking about marginalization. I'm talking about going vegetarian at the age of four when my family ate meat. I'm talking about being a political young person when my family was apolitical. I'm talking about being queer and non-monogamous in a largely heteronormative vegan NYC community. I'm talking about having a vegan primary partner and a vegan best friend who are both PoC in an A.R. community dominated by white folks. I'm talking about being a feminist in a community dominated by power-wielding males and a Christian where atheism is the norm. Because, all things considered, these facts should make me feel marginalized. And they haven't.
It is easy FOR ME to smile and nod when someone says, "Isn't it weird how there's only straight people at this monthly meeting?" It's simple enough to avoid the events where I know I'll find countless misogynists. It seems best when I don't answer my brother's phone call because I don't want to explain (read: argue about) why most cocoa production is immoral and why I stopped eating palm oil. And I've been doing this dance-around-discomfort my whole life, quite literally since I was four years old. It's not that I haven't argued up a storm trying to convince family members that global climate change is real or that I actively pretend to be in a traditional marriage. It's that I exercise the privilege I have to make myself as comfortable as possible by avoiding stressful situations where I KNOW I'll have to argue. I just never noticed I was doing it. And I should've known there was something wrong because comfort should not be the norm in this lifetime.
Well, it's now been pointed out to me that I've been ostracizing myself since I was a kid. I AVOID certain people? I KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT about being queer? Calla dear, this is not okay. Calla dear, you are policing yourself so that others don't feel compelled to do so. You are keeping your community from turning into a safer space for all marginalized individuals, those people who simply can't pass as you do.
It's true. Sutton's oblivious, frantic, chaotic run through Thedas mirrors my own walk through life. I have been privileged enough to get by in this haphazard way, only interacting with those who differ from me when I see fit. Calla dear, you have turned out to be a grave disappointment after all. Sorry. The problem's been brought to my attention, and I'm working on a remedy.
Two recent conversations of which I've been a part, each with different people, have brought my blindness to light. And when my ignorance falls away, I have a hard time remaining content with the status quo. But seriously folks, what the hell am I even talking about?
Mostly I'm talking about marginalization. I'm talking about going vegetarian at the age of four when my family ate meat. I'm talking about being a political young person when my family was apolitical. I'm talking about being queer and non-monogamous in a largely heteronormative vegan NYC community. I'm talking about having a vegan primary partner and a vegan best friend who are both PoC in an A.R. community dominated by white folks. I'm talking about being a feminist in a community dominated by power-wielding males and a Christian where atheism is the norm. Because, all things considered, these facts should make me feel marginalized. And they haven't.
It is easy FOR ME to smile and nod when someone says, "Isn't it weird how there's only straight people at this monthly meeting?" It's simple enough to avoid the events where I know I'll find countless misogynists. It seems best when I don't answer my brother's phone call because I don't want to explain (read: argue about) why most cocoa production is immoral and why I stopped eating palm oil. And I've been doing this dance-around-discomfort my whole life, quite literally since I was four years old. It's not that I haven't argued up a storm trying to convince family members that global climate change is real or that I actively pretend to be in a traditional marriage. It's that I exercise the privilege I have to make myself as comfortable as possible by avoiding stressful situations where I KNOW I'll have to argue. I just never noticed I was doing it. And I should've known there was something wrong because comfort should not be the norm in this lifetime.
Well, it's now been pointed out to me that I've been ostracizing myself since I was a kid. I AVOID certain people? I KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT about being queer? Calla dear, this is not okay. Calla dear, you are policing yourself so that others don't feel compelled to do so. You are keeping your community from turning into a safer space for all marginalized individuals, those people who simply can't pass as you do.
It's true. Sutton's oblivious, frantic, chaotic run through Thedas mirrors my own walk through life. I have been privileged enough to get by in this haphazard way, only interacting with those who differ from me when I see fit. Calla dear, you have turned out to be a grave disappointment after all. Sorry. The problem's been brought to my attention, and I'm working on a remedy.
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